Brokeback Fitz?
- Cop shop: Thus spake U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald about the bodybuilding Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis, a former FBI chief, at a City Club of Chicago luncheon Thursday: "If Jody Weis were here, and he's not, you'd recognize him. He looks like he's wearing a bulletproof vest, even when he's not."
Wow. Get a room you two.
Did Fitz also mention J-Fed's pectoral muscles ripple like Lake Michigan after a spring storm? That his legs are like tree trunks standing firm against a Gulf hurricane? That J-Fed's forehead looks like a empty billboard looking for an advertisement?
He should have.
Did Fitz also mention J-Fed's pectoral muscles ripple like Lake Michigan after a spring storm? That his legs are like tree trunks standing firm against a Gulf hurricane? That J-Fed's forehead looks like a empty billboard looking for an advertisement?
He should have.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:31 AM
82 Comments:
Why do I think the Keesing Bandit will show up here?
Oh my, the Keesing Bandit is going to have a field day with this one.
Ace Reporter Phil Schitz was at City Club during Fitz's speech. A lot of people shifted uncomfortably in their seats after he said that. Afterward, this reporter went home and took a shower.
SCC you also miss when Sneed writes about J-fed and Daley dining together at Rosebud and how they can turn the Cub game on when they leave!
BTW 12:31am post? Slacker!
How bout that his eyes can look in two different directions all at once?
Superintendand CORKY!! Franks and Beans!
Fitz and J-Fed are the new "Butch Assidy And The Bundance Kid"
are steroids a banned substance for CPD ?????
I tried renting that movie but when I got it home, the wrong dvd was in there. I ended up with "Bareback Mounting"!
Five Stars and two thumbs up!
Jody Weis and Patrick Fitzgerald star in "Prances With Wolves".
Bone-nanza!
Little Bathhouse On The Prairie
The Legend Of The LONG RANGER
Quickly Down Under
How The West Was Hung
The Magnificent Seven Inches
or
Very Raw Hide
He Wore A Yellow Ribbon
U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald has voiced his approval of a same sex marriage bill in Illinois.
A beaming Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis, stood behind him at the news conference, smiling, eyes fluttering, as a blushing Fitzgerald reached around and gave him an up and down motion thumbs up. Rrters sh
In other news, the wives of U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald and Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis, a former FBI chief, have both filed for divorce.
"That J-Fed's forehead looks like a empty billboard looking for an advertisement?"
***********************************
How about some phrases of self-declaration and/or scripted-by-Shortshanks one-liners scripted horizontally across that vast expanse of a forehead? Suggestions as follows:
"I'm a $1,000,000 Puppet"
"Daley's Million Dollar Distraction"
"2009 - The Year Of Results"
"I Got Your Backs"
"There's No Morale Problem"
"Merit Promotions Will Be Transparent"
"We Have 13,000-plus Sworn Personnel"
"I Had No Part In Having Officer Cozzi Indicted"
Just a few that immediately came to mind...
Watch it J-Fed. If Fitz gets his hands on you he's gonna climb you like a tree.
"If Jody Weis were here, and he's not, he's still in bed..."
Fitz Joke: What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
JFed Joke: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Jake Gyllenhaal was asked about Fitz' comments.
He said, "Gross."
This explains the upside down tattoo on Jody's forehead, "Courtesy Parking, U.S. Atty"
I thought I saw those two holding hands at the Cubs game last week!
J-well fed, can I get a little "Time On The END?"
Is U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald trying to say da WEISel is "a manly man who does manly things in manly ways"?
Perhaps the dynamic duo should sail across Lake Michigan to Saugatuck together on the "Raging Queen".
Did Fitz also mention J-Fed's pectoral muscles ripple like Lake Michigan after a spring storm? That his legs are like tree trunks standing firm against a Gulf hurricane? That J-Fed's forehead looks like a empty billboard looking for an advertisement?
---------------------------------
Reliable sources have confirmed that the Keesing Bandit has been spanking it non-stop to the mental images he conjured-up after reading the aforementioned descriptions of J-Fed's physique.
Not to mention that "America's Favorite Pastime" is now also the KB's favorite pastime; it seems "Pujols" has a certain frequent contributor absolutely smitten.
"Not that there's anything wrong with that..."
Did he mention the reason he [Fitz] still has his job is that he's been bought and paid for?
That said, it also shouldn't be too surprising to see him stick up for a fellow Fed.
You know, SCC, when I read that 'quote' from Fitz in the Sneed column a couple of days ago, I thought I was alone in thinking that it was the silliest thing Fitz has ever been quoted as saying in public, and that it was about the most worthless piece of tripe Sneed herself had ever sent to print in her column.
It's good to know I wasn't alone in my assessment.
On the other hand, seeing what a dismal job Weis has done in his short time here, I guess people have to dig deep (VERY deep) to say anything positive about our overwhelmed leader.
Whoa!
Too much info. I havn't had breakfast yet.
i smell a bro-mance in the making. or a village people band reunion in the works.
He might be all that Fitz, but he's clueless on running the department let alone work on the street.
But he does know who to bow down to, or is that bendover for...?
LMAO
Perhaps they can watch SPARTACUS together...
Did Fitz also mention J-Pud's:
* rock hard codpiece?
* steely Terminator-like jawline?
* WEISal-like beady eyes?
* ear and nasal hair billowing in the breeze like the wisping branches of a weeping willow tree?
.
U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said:
"He looks like he's wearing a bulletproof vest, even when he's not."
((((((((((((((((((( * )))))))))))))))))))
He also looks like he's wearing a riot helmet under a toupee, even when he's not.
You forgot to mention that he can actually view two people standing on opposite sides of him and the same time with those eagle eyes, or should I say "Snake Eyes."
Scc,
What the fuck was the point of this post? Get a grip.
How about that his eyes, their shape and close proximity to one another bring the sound of the banjos from Deliverance?
"da-da-dum-da-dum-da-dum-da-dummmmmm...."
...or that his sphincter muscle puckers near Daley (daily) but no worry, shortshanks will ream him a new one in equal time.
LMAO Keesing you there?
tried renting that movie but when I got it home, the wrong dvd was in there. I ended up with "Bareback Mounting"!
Five Stars and two thumbs up!
Thumbs up where?!?!?
Don't ask, don't tell
too funny
This is getting kind of mean.
Easy with the "SNAKE EYES" term. That nickname was always reserved for the all-mighty chief Dougan.
"FITZY" as his friends refer to him as, has always admired men of short stature. Hence, Shortshanks who he refuses to look into all his corrupted dealings. Once again the "Inside man" for the Feebs remains at untouchable.
He is a really good BANJO PLAYER 2
hey Fitz,
time for you and Jody to head for the "Ponderosa" with the rest of the boys. Hop-Sing is preparing your bunkhouse now.. Time to rest up and then you 2 can go ride the range.
Jody did u ever see a grown man naked...
J-Rat still looks like the banjo playing boy from the movie Deliverance.....
Lets not forget he's a manly 5'5" tall and has the brain size of a pea pod.
Keep those sst missions going, their are such a success. Notttt!
do you think jody oils up when going out with fitz
Who names their male son Jody?
Good Lord.
His head alone is a turn off.
Hey Jodi, good to see you. Now go home and get your banjo!
Was Big Jim Thompson around?
Hellooooooooo!
"Hey fitzy, have you ever seen a grown man naked"
"do you like movies about gladiators"
"have you ever been to a turkish prison"
Anonymous said...
are steroids a banned substance for CPD ?????
5/26/2009 12:58:00 AM
Yes, and the department tests for them in cases of 'roid rage. With cause of corse.
Anonymous said...
U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said:
"He looks like he's wearing a bulletproof vest, even when he's not."
((((((((((((((((((( * )))))))))))))))))))
He also looks like he's wearing a riot helmet under a toupee, even when he's not.
5/26/2009 08:32:00 AM
He sometimes looks like a police officer and he's not.
Say what you like about Fitzgerald but while Daley, Burke, Weiss and every other pissant ejit Chicago/Cook/Illinois/CPD/CFD official is getting ferried around town with drivers and security....Fitzgerald, who has actually f*ucked with the Outfit, crooked pols and every other piece of crap in this city, walks or grabs an L to work. I know this to be true because I see him all the time. That, my friend, is a man with some balls and someone who deserves some respect.
Fitz also neglected to point out the fact that the Weisineanderthal has a forehead that looks like a drive-in theater! Unibrows are hot! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Why does everyone think the "G" ( meaning US attorneys officer) is legit? Also, why do you think the FBI is legitimate?
Read about Whitey Bulger and how his minions used politicians to move FBI agents and influence judges. The best was the convicted murder FBI supervisor john Connelly who was moved to Boston when he was with the FBI, Do you know who moved him? a guy named McCormick and for all you youngsters, he was only the speaker of the house in washington.
It is not legit.
Does anyone know that Jody Weis bares a striking resemblalance to Captain Caveman!!
I still say that this prick did in fact play the banjo in Deliverence. There is NO doubt in my mind that they do look a like .
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING...
I HOPE THERE'S MORE FUNNY
PEOPLE, I DON'T WANT TO STOP
LAUGHING, IT FEELS SO GOOD...:)
THANKS...
Is it wrong for a man to love another man? Beefcake, anyone?
Anonymous said...
Who names their male son Jody?
Good Lord.
5/26/2009 04:01:00 PM
http://www.misfittoys.net/tvtime/familyaffair/pdfamily.jpg
You can even dress him! And his sister!
The point of the post you ask? We all heard it and then said to ourselves, "Oh no he di-int!!!" Lighten up Amos, if a copper had said that he'd be in tears right now from the verbal brutalization of his fellow officers. Do you think his former co-workers don't have a blog going right now?
Please. More. Make me laugh.
I think it is just great that Daley's much lauded pick for superintendent has turned into a punch-line for the biggest joke ever played on the CPD.
In this one move, Daley has done more to destroy the CPD than anyone ever has before. It's his department, he broke it, now he can pay for it.
Both are the mayors bitches. Some idiot wrote he has balls because he rides the L.
To the unpublished:
Grow some thicker skin...if you can.
We aren't in the business of outing people who are closeted.
The point was to make some fun of an obviously dumb quote by Fitz that was quoted in a newspaper by Sneed and then relating it to popular culture.
Reminds of the joke about the Irish "alternative lifestylers" - Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
I was down at 35th street today and saw jfed in person and holy fuck that fore head is huge. You could use it at grant park as a back movie screen.
Is it wrong for two men to share beef kabobs and wine spritzers while sitting naked in a hot tub...I think not.
He's been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room. His reputation is expanding faster than the universe. He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels. His blood smells like cologne. He is..............J-Fed
......The most interesting man in the world. Stay thirsty my friends!
I'm responding late to this post. All I can say is that J-Fed looks like Bevis on steriods. Although some may argue that he looks more like Butt-Head.
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